God Hates Freds*

Fred Ph*lps was a no-show. He's too poxy for his shirt, apparently. Couldn't come down this eve to join his creepy crew to protest the Durham School of the Arts production of "The Laramie Project," which tells the story of Matthew Shepard. An anemic (in size -- 12 or so?) group of hatemongers "gathered" under the grand old oak trees with signs reading, "Matt: 6 Yrs in Hell" (my God, they are despicable), the ever-charming "Fags Are Worthy of Death," "Thank God for Sept. 11," "Pope in Hell" (the Pope had horns in the pic), and my personal favorites, "Love Thy Neighbor = Rebuke" and "God Hates Fag Enablers." WTF?

I did try to enable P right into a couple of dates tonight, I will admit, and J remarked that the "Thank God For Sept. 11" sign was surely a stealth critique of American foreign policy. And that's where the snark exchange ended, friends. Across the street was an irony-free zone.

Not that it will come as any surprise, but these folks are deeply weird. And they bring kids. Little ones! A 6-yr-old carried the "Pope in Hell" sign; the 8-yr-old girl had the "Thank God for Sept. 11" sign. Jeebus. And some kid who looked bored to death, poor thing (or maybe that is a VERY good thing), held the "Turn or Burn." I couldn't help but think that would end up being prophetic for junior.

They yelled across to us any number of mind-numbingly absurd and often hateful things, including, and it's hard to believe, but it's true, "God hates you!" Wow. That is just, you know, so rude.

Not having my Batshit Translator or my King Wingnut Bible at the ready, I could only guess at what the hell they were talking about when they shrilled, "Do you know the difference between a sheep and a goat?" Um, is this a trick question? My favorite guy on the scene answered, "They both make good cheese." Loved him.

His best moment though was during a lull just before the Phelps' parade of shame ended when he put on his best robot voice and intoned: "Where. Does. Fred. Tell. You. To. Go. Now?" After I died laughing, I and a few others gamely did The Robot to drive home the point. Again, blank stares. Irony-free zone over yonder. Someone else quipped, "What is the mothership saying now?" That even made one of the Phelpses smile. In a humor contest, we'd win hands down.

J, P, db, and I ended up having a grand ol' time. Saw Pam of the stellar Pam's House Blend (Pam's got lots more pix here) and other friends, laughed, commiserated, stood aghast, and learnt a thing or two. For instance, the Pope is in Hell because he is a false idol (and probably too "librul"). And Sept. 11 was America's punishment for our heathen ways. Okay then.

Our crowd energized me, and our signs were a big hit. We brought a "God Hates Shellfish (Leviticus 11:9-12)" sign, which didn't last long with us. It ended up being carried away by a young woman who worked with Equality NC, who thought it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. It was a great sign. Thanks for the idea, Drew! (Lots of bright ideas in the comments at Pam's blog. Check it out.) I thought my pal J's sign was fantastically polite considering the tactics of the rude hatemongers across the way. We thought we'd take the high road. Har.

Favorite chants: "Get Professional Help!" and "You're One Sick Chick," the latter directed, I believe, at Phelps' granddaughter. Um, fitting. She was the one who answered our "God is Love" chant with the deathless, beyond bizarre, "And hate!" Alrighty then.

A beautiful moment when we all stood together and sang "Amazing Grace." It actually shut the Phelpses up for a moment. Take that, Freddie. You suck. Now kindly f*ck off back to your creepy, festering pit of debased self-loathing and leave us in peace. We've got love on our side.

LET'S FIGHT FRED AND HIS ILK:

www.glsen.org

www.tolerance.org

http://www.partnersagainsthate.org

www.adl.org

www.hrc.org

http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/hate/

http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/civilrights/hate.htm

www.glaad.org

http://civilrights.org/

[*For absurdist purposes only. Not valid in other contexts.]
[Photo credits: db]

Comments

[Dylan]

It is unbelievable how emboldened these people are.

[Diane]

Fred Phelps is either really, really gay, or he is a victim of man-on-boy childhood sexual abuse and has never comes to terms with it. Or both. It isn't that hard to get followers if you spout a lot of bible nonsense, but to be so vehement and activist, there is something going on.

[pamindurham]

Hey, it was a great time out there, seeing the completely overwhelming support out there, including the police, who were supportive. My favorite part was yelling to Johnathon Phelps (the guy in red shouting "save the gerbils") and asking "where is Fred?" He just screamed back biblical versus about feces. [I linked back to you.] :)

[ae]

Dylan, Diane, and Pam--
Thanks for dropping in. It was shocking in many ways to be confronted with such vehemence. Good grief. I felt very sad and sick at first, but our crowd was so joyous, snarky, and kind that I quickly started to have a good time. Love is obviously more powerful than hate, and I was so happy to see such a big, diverse crowd there. I laughed 90% of the time. And I want my friend P to know that he is safe in the world and loved.

Dylan, emboldened, yes. It is deeply weird to come face-to-face with their version of passion. Frightening, really. And terribly sad.

Diane, you got it. No one obsesses this much over anything to which they do not have some deep emotional connection. How sad for him and for us that it's turned to hate.

Pam, great to see you! My friends saw Kate first and loved her/your sign. Very nice. That guy Johnathon was the only one who actually frightened me. He was much more aggressive than the women on our end of the protest. Many thanks for the link!

[crabletta]

Hey AE,

Great post and great photos! Love the signs, too! God hates so very many things. Who knew?

[ae]

Crabletta, so glad you came by to see this, because your encouragement was an inspiration. And the hate, sheesh. The Phelpses signs were an assault on the senses, and they really hurt my feelings at first. But our crowd had the love-is-cool mojo so they were powerless against us. My v. smart pal says that as soon as anyone says, "God hates...," they've negated their argument. Well, there you go.

[greenheart]

Maybe Fred Phelps' God does in fact hate fags. Well, many fags, dykes, switch-hitters and shehes hate Fred Phelps and hate his god, Yahweh. That why it is good to have many gods (and goddesses too). After all, you can't expect EVERY god to like shellfish, do you? It's matter of taste. Some gods hate shellfish, some love it. My deities seem to like pork and ale, apples and hazelnuts and rowanberry jelly, and salmon, and LOTS of water and LOTS of mead. Oh and they put up with me, and I am a fat and hairy slutty switchhitter and damn proud of it! So let Fred and his God judge us all, who cares? We can't ALL go to hell, can we? After all, hell is just a small baptist church in Wichita, Kansas and from what I hear, only demented members of Fred's family goes there.

[ae]

Right on, greenheart. I take your point. Some gods must not like fish sticks or mayonnaise, for instance. I know this goddess doesn't. ;-> Then there's all manner of things like hatefulness, bigotry, arrogance, and hubris to hate. Plus, those folks who derisively say "I could have made that" when looking at a piece of art they don't understand, and people who talk on cell phones during dinner. Oh, the list goes on. It's a big, varied world of things to grumble about. ;->

And heck. The Hell of Wilde and Sappho and their "enablers," as Phelps calls them, sounds like a mighty fine time to me. The Hell of the Wichita Baptists, on the other hand ... hmm, I'd better start being good. That's some scary shit.

[crabletta]

Oh, God/dess definitely hates mayo! She hates it almost as much as I do. Mayo makes her barf. She 's not crazy about cell phone voice, either. I was this close to telling a woman on my bus that I thought she spring for the electric breast pump - expensive, but much less painful. I mean, she must have really needed my advice - why else would she be shouting in my ear?

AE, you're reading my mind. I'm working on a post about my heaven and my hell. If Fred Phelps can create god in his image, I can, too. My afterlifes will rock! I'm also working on an open letter to mayo.

So happy that you were able to counter all that hate with all that love. Those signs hurt everyone's feelings. I can't stop thinking about those poor kids. I mean, every parent influences their children, but teaching hate is so wrong, so sad. Poor, confused babies.

[ae]

Crabletta, I cannot wait to read your open letter to mayo! Hahahaha! And I think you may have struck upon something with the post about your version of heaven and hell. Do I smell a meme in the works? =)

Re: assault cell phone usage: Really, that woman on the bus should've just cut out the middle-person and asked you for advice. You could do this as a service, not only to those who loudly need advice on cell phones, but to all the other patrons of, you know, public spaces, who would be spared the banal details of complete strangers' lives. (The irony of saying that on my, ahem, blahg duly noted.)

I have often thought to go into the advice service. Maybe we should team up. So many people are just achin' to be told what to do that there are many lead-by-the-nose opportunities available to the despotically inclined. Hmm. Must explore as new career choice...

I will admit that I did consider kidnapping one of those kids (the 13-yr-old), because, really, it should be against the law to raise your kid in a cult. An utter tragedy and waste.

[crabletta]

AE, Cool! I want to start a meme. I keep trying, but so far, no luck. Maybe the heaven/hell meme will work. And we can start an anti-mayo meme. That can be first on out list of helpful hints. I agree - people are just desperate for good advice. We won't go all Dr. Phil on them, either. Now, there's a man who needs some advice.

I'd like to specialize in advice on deportment and manners and shit, with an emphasis on eating habits.

The difference between your blog and screaming, lactating cell phone woman is that people come here because they want to. Now, if you were to print out all of your posts and hop on a bus ansd start reading them loudly, that might be another story. It would still be more interesting than breast pump talk, though :) Not that there's anything wrong with nursing. It's a good thing, but unless you're the mom or the baby, no one cares all that much.

I don't think kidnapping would have been out of line...

[justin]

I love the pictures, I'm surprised I didn't see this before.