Herewith I provide for your edification actual examples of actual teaching materials for actual federally-funded high school abstinence-only programs. No, really. These are real. Yes, real. Not fake. Well, false, yes, but actually used in our high schools and purchased w/ funds from you and me and Aunt Zelda. We wouldn't let them cheat Aunt Zelda out of her hard-earned money or allow poor Sophie and Javier and Alecia to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misinformation, would we? Hell, no.
Blue Balls for the Red States.
Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor, ready to rescue a maiden and slay a dragon. When a man feels trusted, he is free to be the strong, protecting man he longs to be.
Imagine a knight traveling through the countryside. He hears a princess in distress and rushes gallantly to slay the dragon. The princess calls out, “I think this noose will work better!” and throws him a rope. As she tells him how to use the noose, the knight obliges her and kills the dragon. Everyone is happy, except the knight, who doesn’t feel like a hero. He is depressed and feels unsure of himself. He would have preferred to use his own sword.
The knight goes on another trip. The princess reminds him to take the noose. The knight hears another maiden in distress. He remembers how he used to feel before he met the princess; with a surge of confidence, he slays the dragon with his sword. All the townspeople rejoice, and the knight is a hero. He never returned to the princess. Instead, he lived happily ever after in the village, and eventually married the maiden—but only after making sure she knew nothing about nooses.
Moral of the story: Occasional assistance may be all right, but too much will lessen a man’s confidence or even turn him away from his princess.
Jeebus H. Keerist on a rickety rollercoaster, I need to sit down start a revolution. That last sentence actually makes me feel light-headed, and then, not so strangely, murderous.
But this, this gargantuan malodorous pile of horseshit that follows below is the penultimate example of why we should never let the Jeebus-lovers run the sex ed sideshow. I volunteer to counsel re-educate de-program every kid who had to suffer this load of gender fascist hooey.
While a man needs little or no preparation for sex, a woman often needs hours of emotional and mental preparation.
5 Major Needs of Women:
Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment5 Major Needs of Men:
Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support
Call me, kids. Auntie ae will take good care of you. That is, after I suck up hours of emotional and mental preparation. Snerk. And, pray tell, WTF is "domestic support"?
Look out, kids! It's gender prescriptive propaganda! It'll ruin your life! Run away! Run away!
WTF, indeed.
So the moral of the story is that men get depressed if they can't handle their own swords? But if they handle them too much, they go blind, I thought.
The winguts omitted the rest of the story's ending. The princess laughed her ass off at the poor, insecure kinight, wished him and his "maiden" a long happy life together, signed on to match.com and found a cool guy who loved to cook and had an aversion to weaponry of any kind. Or not. Maybe she stayed single forever. Maybe she found a bunch of guys. Or women. Whatever. Who knows how your lives will turn out, kids. Isn't that exciting? Isn't that better than some creepy story about swords and nooses?
Posted by: crabletta | Tuesday, 20 December 2005 at 12:29 AM
Holy cow!!!! I have to go find my noose now....or better play with my sword!
Where on Earth did you find this crap!?
Posted by: coturnix | Tuesday, 20 December 2005 at 02:22 AM